Readers, we are in week 693 of the school summer holidays and we are all still alive. I attribute this amazing success to my brilliant invention of the Summer Holiday Imbibing Task (SHIT). Basically, children are dicks. You know they’re dicks. I know they’re dicks. Being with them 24 hours a day, 7 days a … [Read more…]
And so the holidays draw to a happy close… Wait, what? What the fuck do you mean we’re only one week in? You are shitting kidding me. So far – in a week – we have done: London Sealife Centre, London Eye, Shrek Adventure, swimming, cinema, a picnic, McDonalds, Chessington and Legoland, and frankly I … [Read more…]
Before we had children, a night out was incredibly simple, the most complex part being remembering to feed the cat before we left. A leisurely shower, a lick of make-up, a fresh pair of jeans and we were ready to hit the town. Nowadays we never go out. Never. Except our lovely neighbours had invited … [Read more…]
We live on a new-build estate, which currently doesn’t have much in the way of facilities. Excitingly, a new Miller and Carter restaurant opened up last week actually on the estate (number of facilities in our area since the restaurant has arrived: 1) and, even better, they were offering 50% off to go to one … [Read more…]
Hearing EldestGirl pad to the toilet all by herself this morning, whilst YoungestGirl gurgled in her cot, TheBloke™ and I smiled at each other, curled up under the warm duvet. Parenting is cool. “MUMMY!” came the not-terribly dulcet tones of EldestGirl. “I did a wee in my knickers. I didn’t get there in time.” YoungestGirl … [Read more…]