I mean, I barely know where to start. When I was younger, I was never a big fan of Christmas; being indoors for several days whilst all the shops were shut and the weather was shit, and the heating was turned up too high was never my favourite time of year. Now I have my … [Read more…]
Wednesdays are my least favourite day. EldestGirl has a music class across town after school. The unpredictable traffic means that we tend to get in the car as soon as we’ve walked back from school and everyone has been to the toilet. If the traffic is OK we’re usually about 15 minutes early. I use … [Read more…]
We are trying potty training again. YoungestGirl is totally ready for it, but whilst her elder sister is eager to please and generally mindful of authority, YoungestGirl prefers… waiting until we’re not watching and pooing behind the curtain. We made an abortive attempt over the summer. “Perfect,” we thought. “Hot summer weather, running around in … [Read more…]
Readers, we are in week 693 of the school summer holidays and we are all still alive. I attribute this amazing success to my brilliant invention of the Summer Holiday Imbibing Task (SHIT). Basically, children are dicks. You know they’re dicks. I know they’re dicks. Being with them 24 hours a day, 7 days a … [Read more…]
And so the holidays draw to a happy close… Wait, what? What the fuck do you mean we’re only one week in? You are shitting kidding me. So far – in a week – we have done: London Sealife Centre, London Eye, Shrek Adventure, swimming, cinema, a picnic, McDonalds, Chessington and Legoland, and frankly I … [Read more…]
Before we had children, a night out was incredibly simple, the most complex part being remembering to feed the cat before we left. A leisurely shower, a lick of make-up, a fresh pair of jeans and we were ready to hit the town. Nowadays we never go out. Never. Except our lovely neighbours had invited … [Read more…]
We live on a new-build estate, which currently doesn’t have much in the way of facilities. Excitingly, a new Miller and Carter restaurant opened up last week actually on the estate (number of facilities in our area since the restaurant has arrived: 1) and, even better, they were offering 50% off to go to one … [Read more…]
Hearing EldestGirl pad to the toilet all by herself this morning, whilst YoungestGirl gurgled in her cot, TheBloke™ and I smiled at each other, curled up under the warm duvet. Parenting is cool. “MUMMY!” came the not-terribly dulcet tones of EldestGirl. “I did a wee in my knickers. I didn’t get there in time.” YoungestGirl … [Read more…]