A Three-Hander Dinnertime Play by Nunn the Wiser Characters: EldestGirl – age 4 YoungestGirl – age 1 Mummy – age 37 Late twenties Mummy: Dinner’s ready! EldestGirl: (bereft) You know I don’t like raw carrots, Mummy? Why would you make them? Mummy: Because you’re having a sandwich and I couldn’t be arsed to cook them raw carrots go … [Read more…]
Yesterday we went out early. I cleared the car of frost, bundled both children into it, bribed EldestGirl to be good, with the promise of tat from the pound shop, and went to our local farmers’ market. I am not sure if it can honestly be called a farmers’ market. There was one stall selling sausages, … [Read more…]
Because I clearly did something very wrong in a previous life, in this one I have been reincarnated as a buy-to-let landlord. In addition to most of the world (especially Mumsnet and The Guardian) automatically assuming I’m a wealthy slumlord, personally preventing the youth of today from getting on the property ladder, I also have … [Read more…]
Most days I sort of coast by as far as parenting goes. We might do an educational activity for five minutes, but we’re very probably going to spend a lot more time than that watching My Little Pony. We might go on a nature walk, but will come back three minutes later, owing either to a … [Read more…]
Warning: poo content ahead. YoungestGirl’s bowel habits are generally regular. She likes to eat a nice bowl of porridge in the morning, wave Daddy off to work, and then do a poo in her nice fresh morning nappy. She will repeat this process several times during the day, but the Porridge-Daddy-Bye-Bye poo is one to … [Read more…]
Last night YoungestGirl slept through from 7 p.m. to 7 a.m. Whilst this isn’t the first time she has ever achieved this feat, it is certainly rare, and I am no stranger to the 5 a.m. breastfeed. Still, things are much better than they were, when she refused to sleep for more than 20 consecutive … [Read more…]
Anyone who knows me is aware that exercise is not my forte. In the past, people have wrongly assumed this is because I am not competitive. This is very, very wrong. I am extremely competitive, as anyone who has had the misfortune to challenge me to Scrabble, Monopoly or I Spy can attest to. This is actually … [Read more…]
As mentioned previously, I have been known to be something of a hypochondriac. Generally it’s low-level, irritating maladies; a Morton’s neuroma, hypermobility, carpal tunnel syndrome, but this year I have been in the unfortunate position of needing biopsies. Twice. The first was back in February – a painless lump in my breast. YoungestGirl likes to … [Read more…]
In the midst of global and political chaos, I have to admit, I’m quietly excited. Not – of course – because an egomanical misogynistic neo-Nazi has won the US election. I am not a nutter. Something more domestic is quietly exciting me. Tonight, tonight (can you hear the excitement?) I will be staying in a hotel room. … [Read more…]
Before EldestGirl’s first birthday, we planned meticulously. We had a garden party, complete with soft play equipment, bouncy castle and age-appropriate bouncers. We had a buffet. Which I catered myself. I researched, practised in a dummy run a week before and executed a Hungry Caterpillar cake. We had about thirty people and babies around to our … [Read more…]