Readers, we are in week 693 of the school summer holidays and we are all still alive. I attribute this amazing success to my brilliant invention of the Summer Holiday Imbibing Task (SHIT). Basically, children are dicks. You know they’re dicks. I know they’re dicks. Being with them 24 hours a day, 7 days a … [Read more…]
Both girls are decent sleepers, now. I say that, aware that many other parents are reading this, already thinking, “Bitch,” but I promise the sleep is hard-won. For the first six months of YoungestGirl’s life, she would not sleep night or day for longer than 20 minutes. Imagine it. You have given birth. You are knackered. You … [Read more…]
And so the holidays draw to a happy close… Wait, what? What the fuck do you mean we’re only one week in? You are shitting kidding me. So far – in a week – we have done: London Sealife Centre, London Eye, Shrek Adventure, swimming, cinema, a picnic, McDonalds, Chessington and Legoland, and frankly I … [Read more…]
Today is EldestGirl’s last day of Reception. I have to say – all modesty aside (seriously aside – wait for it) – I have absolutely nailed it. Honestly, if anyone has had a better year than me, I want to see evidence. This year…. We have read with both children daily. We have learned times … [Read more…]
A gentle summer’s breeze. It’s just the right temperature to sit in the shade. A dog’s bark drifts from the distance. Children play in the paddling pool. Ice chinks gently in a glass. The grass feels cool underfoot. The word “idyllic” pops into your head unbidden. And then. And then… It is summarily ruined. By a … [Read more…]
On Tuesday evenings, EldestGirl goes to Rainbows, and I kill the hour, happily for the most part, firstly at Waitrose, filling my trolley with yellow-stickered reduced goodness, and secondly, sitting outside – if the weather allows – with a coffee, reading until it is time to collect EldestGirl. I am fairly inconspicuous. I have observed … [Read more…]
“That’s an interesting point, Steve,” I might once have said, “because we do need to drill down into the global footprint and get granular data on our diverse global reach. Let’s grab the low-hanging EMEA fruit today, and then schedule a universal deep-dive to be cascaded at next week’s town hall. Our steering group will … [Read more…]
We have too many toys. We have far too many toys. Our playroom looks like Fisher Price himself threw up all over the place. Our living room – initially intended to be an adult sanctuary, away from the toys in the playroom – looks like a cross between a run-down soft play and a discount … [Read more…]
Honestly, half term sort of snuck up on me. I was aware there was a bank holiday, and that looming at some point, there would be a half term, but I hadn’t properly, properly realised it was here until… it was here. We had planned… nothing. Shit. I desperately tried to overcompensate. Day One We made cornflour … [Read more…]
We have always made an effort with both of our daughters, not to stereotype, not to call things “girly”, or to use words like “tomboy”. We preach that all colours are for everybody, that looking beautiful is less important than being kind. That being kind is important, but so is being clever. It has mostly … [Read more…]
