At Nunn the Wiser Towers, we love gadgets. I have been an early adopter of technology since 1995 when Mr Nunn brought home a shiny Gateway PC with a 14.4 modem that could connect to the Internet. There were genuinely so few people connected to the Internet back then, that the only person I knew who had email was my computing teacher. So I emailed him. Yes, I was such a cool 15 year-old that I was penpals with my GCSE teacher. Go me.
For TheBloke (TM)’s birthday this year, I gave him an Amazon Echo Dot. For the uninitiated, the Echo Dot is a speaker and microphone which connects to a virtual assistant who – depending on your level of tinfoil hattedness – is either benignly waiting for you to say, “Alexa”, in order to launch a useful range of music, news and entertainment functions OR is listening to your every word, reporting you to some shady bureau and is also probably trying to sell you a timeshare.
We love Alexa. The children love Alexa. Even YoungestGirl, at two years and three months, makes a good stab at saying, “Alexa, play the Duck Song” (“Awexa, pway Duck Song!”).
EldestGirl’s favourite feature is, “Alexa, ask for a fart,” at which point, Alexa will let rip a different juicy fart each time. I have to be honest, I find it at least as funny as EldestGirl does, if not slightly funnier. It was, in fact, me who installed this particular functionality.
TheBloke (TM) likes it to play angry music on. On the other hand, I like the spite that comes with asking Alexa to change his angry rock to The Carpenters, just as he’s getting into some serious kitchen-based moshing. I also use it as a timer function for cooking. It is a useful gadget. Culinary functions and spite. The perfect gift.
As I mentioned, at Nunn the Wiser Towers, we love gadgets. One new shiny gadget is not enough. I will admit that the next one spiralled a bit from the original intention.
- YoungestGirl drops a lot of food when she eats.
- Our big vacuum cleaner is a faff to get out and put away.
- Our handheld vacuum cleaner is rubbish.
- I decided to buy a stick, cordless vacuum cleaner.
- The good ones were really expensive, like £200 expensive.
- For less than £200 I could buy a robot vacuum cleaner.
So I did. Today we welcomed our Deik into our home. EldestGirl misheard, and called it “Dick”, so we have called it Dick Vac Deik, obviously. Dick, for short. To be honest, “Deik” doesn’t sound any less politically correct. Especially when used in the same phrase as “carpet” or “rug”.
It has already led to some notable moments.
Me: (to TheBloke (TM)) Oi! It’s supposed to be charging. Stop touching Dick. You can’t keep your hands off Dick, can you?
EldestGirl: Alexa? Do you like Dick?
TheBloke (TM): I leave you alone for ten minutes and you’re off buying Dick on the Internet.
EldestGirl: Alexa, have you seen Dick? Mummy, why are you and Daddy laughing?
TheBloke (TM): I need to press a button to make it start. I see this Dick isn’t going to suck itself.
Me: The children are in the living room, playing with Dick.
YoungestGirl: Awexa! Duck Song!
My favourite part is that when you ask Alexa if she likes Dick, she makes a slightly disapproving beep and turns herself off.
I have attached some Dick pics for you. You dirty perverts.