It is a rare day that I am interested in any form of beautification. Clean and hair brushed is about as good as I get most days.
However, I have noticed recently that my feet are a bit… yucky. Just general winter feet, nothing out of the ordinary. Just dry, hard skin. I expect a trained manicurist would make swift work of them in no time with their special foot file.
With this in mind, I phoned the local beautician. Foot files in my mind, and unused to the terminology, it’s with regret that I report the following conversation.
Beautician: Hello, local beautician speaking.
Me: Hi, I was hoping you could help me. Do you do paedophiles?
Beautician: Sorry, what?
Me: Shit, sorry. Pedi-files. Manicures for feet. PEDICURES! Never mind, I will never speak to you again. Goodbye.