Exposé

I stopped breastfeeding a long time ago – back in February when YoungestGirl was 15 months old. She is now not far off her second birthday, so a long, long time ago.

So you can imagine my surprise when we were in Aldi Waitrose last week, and she was sitting in the trolley, as usual doing our shopping. I was wearing a high-cut but stretchy top. We had everything we needed, and had arrived at the checkout. Both of my hands were on the trolley, pushing it. YoungestGirl suddenly leaned forward, pulled my top right forward (also managing to catch a handful of bra, which she also pulled forward), exposing me entirely to the entire store, and shouted, “BIPPLES!”

“NO!” I said, covering myself back up – and possibly squeaking loudly enough that it attracted additional attention.

YoungestGirl’s face crumpled – briefly. I lent over to get the butter from the trolley. Mistake. YoungestGirl grabbed a fistful of my shirt again, pulled it downwards and gleefully shouted, “BIPPLES!” again.

Luckily, I am not easily embarrassed, and breastfeeding two babies, and never quite having understood the point or purpose of trying to dress them in a headscarf whilst eating, I imagine my nipples have generally been seen more frequently than most other people’s. Still, it’s simply not on to expose oneself when one is trying to do one’s weekly shop.

When I got to the front of the queue, the cashier very kindly pretended he hadn’t seen anything. YoungestGirl sought to put this right, by pointing at my bosom and reminding him, “Bipples. Bye bye now. Bye bye.”

(She is already a favourite in Aldi Waitrose because they have a picture of an avocado with a face, that she shouts “HI DADDY!” to every time we go past it. When we leave, she shouts, “BYE AVOCADO DADDY!”)

I imagine I will be featuring heavily on their Christmas Party security footage bloopers. Bipples, Avocado Daddy and all.